I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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