If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
