Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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