I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize