Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize