make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
