The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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