So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
