i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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You may now shotgun with the bride
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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