We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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