How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I puked a lego.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
