someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
