So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
