The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
