She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni