This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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