He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.