thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means