Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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