Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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