I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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