i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
