yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
