ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
