He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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