i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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