You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
