Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
