So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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