Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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