you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
