we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize