Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
