What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
