My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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