So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
