I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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