at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
