The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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