Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016