Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear

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  (512) 3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear http://tfl.nu/ahne
  Replies (4) Good night (1456) Bad night (2109)
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  (818): View more from California

  i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body

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  (818): i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body http://tfl.nu/r8xl
  Replies (4) Good night (974) Bad night (640)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

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  (773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww
  Replies (25) Good night (1003) Bad night (2913)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.

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  (954): I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else. http://tfl.nu/idx6
  Replies (14) Good night (2371) Bad night (1229)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?

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  (860): she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that? http://tfl.nu/vpzp
  Replies (12) Good night (2552) Bad night (707)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.

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  (713): I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke. http://tfl.nu/gwfs
  Replies (14) Good night (5065) Bad night (715)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

  (253): View more from Washington

  no more ever clear

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  (253): so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning (1-253): because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha' (253): no more ever clear http://tfl.nu/f9lp
  Replies (33) Good night (7362) Bad night (980)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...

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  (815): he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is... http://tfl.nu/ocys
  Replies (9) Good night (3178) Bad night (1233)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count

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  (678): I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count http://tfl.nu/smaa
  Replies (4) Good night (1537) Bad night (887)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.

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  (585): Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary. http://tfl.nu/sahm
  Replies (8) Good night (1848) Bad night (924)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick

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  (602): Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick http://tfl.nu/rl3u
  Replies (4) Good night (369) Bad night (1286)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....

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  (480): There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night.... http://tfl.nu/234u
  Replies (3) Good night (430) Bad night (350)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i might be a female sloth

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  (617): female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away (781): i think i might be a female sloth http://tfl.nu/d8fr
  Replies (5) Good night (1759) Bad night (257)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra

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  (810): Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra http://tfl.nu/ryel
  Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (320)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now

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  (662): Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now http://tfl.nu/yxmg
  Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (181)

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