Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
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You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal