You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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