put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
