...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
