So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
