Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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