if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
