Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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