I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
