I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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