Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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