It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
