So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
