i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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