So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
