I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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