I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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