so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
