"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
