I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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