he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
