Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
