I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
