I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
