youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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