weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
